The Eternal Father

The First Moment You Became My DadDearest Appane,I have shared plenty of my moments with you with hundreds of people but today knowing u might read this bring a total different emotion to this memory. Its not shy but beyond that, I think the last time I felt that was when Rishi Daya was coming to UK for the first time.I had this smile on my lips for 8 hours of my journey to the airport. I feel the same now. Wow I never know what You were trying to do to us by asking us to write. Love u soo much dad …… just for making me feel wat im feeling now. Love You.

Appane, only u know have many times I have asked You whether Im Your daughter or not, now let me share it with everyone as well……

When I came for LBE that was the first time I met YOU, next to Galleria, You walked pass gently with a smile and showed blessing hand and went off. I didn’t have much idea abt You then but the next day before the start of LBE, U called 6 of us to give blessing before U justify to Malaysia NSP and when I came next to You, YOU hug me and said I Love U ma….and that’s when I realized my body was shaking my legs were trembling , my whole body was reacting to You and that moment I realize You are HIM…..YOU ARE GOD. That’s all. Since then I never doubted You……………Thank you for the blessing appane, u are the most loving and compassion being ever, if not for Your compassion I would never have been an Ashramiteor still be one,

☺. Just for that this life and many more to come is yours. I have always told Rishi Daya, if he takes another life I will come back again to be his wife again …… Now the only other person I want to reborn for is You, just to be your daughter just to enjoy your leelas, everything is worth it. You have always always made me special.MY FIRST MOMENT OF SAVOUR

During LBE we had a session for the Topic MEMORY………… wow what a day and what a topic, I can never forget that day but if its not for that day, I might have missed You…. I saw Shiva that day, I saw Rudra Thandavam that day, You blessed all of us into Aghori and no memory zone, and suddenly when I turn and look at my Husband, I didn’t exist in his memory!That was the hardest and most painful thing in my life. I came in front of You to take Vibhuti and you were in a different space. I kneeled down in front of u with tears rolling down, not being able to digest what’s happening, You look down at me and took a hand full of Vibhuti and hit on my head and say go. You had Vibhuti all over u and your hair was let loose – wow even in that pain what a darshan You Gave us. SHIVA O SHIVA what a compassion You have to shower such a blessing to a being like me. Anything I say to thank you will only bring down the darshan you gave.

To be completely honest I was in such a pain that day, I couldn’t stop crying that day, I felt that was the end of my relationship. I cried the whole night and in the morning I went up to my husband and try expressing my feeling, but he was so insensitive to my feeling for the 1st time, his words were “Get over it”. This is it – I was so angry and upset, but not an inch of it towards YOU. I remember coming to class that day with a long face, sitting on the chair with my legs folded. The class started, everyone was expressing how happy they were……how liberated they were ………how light they were and so on. I was sitting there burning at those comments, so I put up my hand and say “No swamy Im not happy, When you said drop your memories, I drop it but memory of my husband was the sweet memory I have so u said keep anything which not giving u suffering but my husband has dropped me as well and I cant take it” and You said “ no ma he still cares about you and did u try talking to him” you asked and I said “ yes, but he said get over it yourself and I can’t take this” while I was saying it I started crying again. Than u said “ Sri Ram, You shouldn’t have said that …… Ok fine from today onwards you don’t have to take care of her, I will personally take care of her and give her all the support and attention she needs to complete the program, I will give her the safety net. It’s my job now and you can go on your own way”……then after a pause You said “ amma he might look dry now but by the end of the program you two will be together like the Anandeswara Anandeswari” .

That was the day you became my Dad. Whether we became Anandeswara Anandeswari or not, I have become your daughter, with that life is fulfilled. Appane nee eindri naan ellai. Thank you thank you.

God!!!! I have got soo many father-daughter moments with you, just thinking of it melts me, and just the memory is soo rejuvenating and such an energy bursting. I love you Dad…….Appanne……….My Swamy

Thank you